Mediation is where you and your spouse conduct your own settlement talks but you do so in the presence of someone who is trained to help you avoid a breakdown of negotiations. Whatever happens in mediation is confidential and cannot be used later in court. The mediator is not a judge and does not have the power to decide anything. The mediator is only there to help the two of you to create a settlement of your choosing.

The presence of a neutral and impartial third party helps achieve a quality of communication between spouses they are unlikely to reach on their own. Without mediation, most people just continuously debate the same issues. The fact is that those very issues are probably part of your original conflict. You didn't change your spouse's mind then and probably won't now -- unless your spouse realizes that it might be to their advantage to consider alternatives. That's where the mediator comes in.

Participants are able to say everything that they feel needs to be said. That's very important because divorce is about feelings. A judge only considers the facts and law and is not allowed to hear testimony about feelings. We all need to be heard and validated, and mediation provides a place where that can happen. In a courtroom, parties are rarely (if ever) allowed to speak their peace.

There is no downside to mediation. You cannot lose. The worst that could happen is that you spend a few more hours trying to get through to your spouse (which is something you probably would have done anyway).

Aside from saving money and time, mediation produces impressive psychological benefits to the family. Ruth Jackson has acquired special training in managing conflict and in the use of cooperative and non-confrontational strategies. She is currently serving as President of the Northern Kentucky Collaborative Law Group and often serves as a family law mediator.